We live in a high-paced environment, glorying business and multitasking. Sexuality has become a victim of this mindset, too. Like with everything else, we try to hack our sex life – trying to get more in less time. As a consequence, both men and women grow sexually frustrated and unsatisfied. Because what makes sexuality fulfilling is the exact opposite to the “more & faster” approach.
Sexuality is about slowing down, taking time and teasing. It is not about getting everything you want right here and right now. It is about letting go of trying to achieve anything. There is no goals, there is only the present moment. There is no plan or steps to follow. You need to let go and move forward without knowing. All you need is to relax, drop into your body and trust your instincts.
How can you do that?
By bringing intimacy back to your life. And I do mean LIFE – not just to your bedroom. Re-learn how to be intimate with other people, how to be intimate with yourself, with nature, with life…
Intimacy is so much more than sexuality. You can have intimacy without sexuality, and sexuality without intimacy.
But because we’ve done such a great job at hacking our sexuality, we eliminated intimacy. We started looking at it as an unnecessary step taking too much time and so today we have sexuality that is deprived of intimacy… In fact, we got so seperated from intimacy that we forgot how to be intimate and what it means. Any form of closeness, touch or nudity becomes immediately about sex. We forgot how to enjoy the deep and penetrating presence of another being without going all the way.
So how can you bring intimacy back? How can you experience more of it? And how can you start connecting in a more honest, intimate way?
Here are 4 ways:
Forget what you’ve heard about the erogenous parts of our bodies – your WHOLE body is one big erogenous zone. Every millimeter of your body is open to receiving touch and wants it. Touch activates this amazing, magical love substance called oxytocin. It’a a hormone responsible for bonding, the same one that creates deep connection between a mother and her child, or between lovers. Invite touch anywhere you can and experiment with new types of touch.
With your partner, explore the art of a soft touch. You can blindfold him or her for stronger sensations. Very gently touch their arms, neck, belly, feet and any part of the body you can access! You can do the same on yourself. Whether you’re watching TV, in a meeting, or taking a call… play a little bit with delicate touch. Rub or scratch your arms (inner elbow and forearms are very sensitive!) or your legs. You can play with your hair, pulling them, and rubbing your palm against your neck.
You can also try classes like contact dance or hugging meditation which are great to open up to touch from new people.
Through the eyes…
You can see the whole Universe in the eyes of another person. It takes practice, it takes letting go and it takes connecting to your heart. But when you do, you can see beyond the eyes deep into their soul.
Such contact is extremely intimate. It is undressing, leaving you fully open, vulnerable and sensitive. Try gazing into each other’s eyes for 3 minutes. At first it may make you or your partner feel uncomfortable. You can start by moving focus from one eye to another. Over time you will learn to open up and stay connected through this deep gaze for much, much longer.
Our bodies are meant to be moved. They can twist, bend, contract and extend. And the more you move, the more awake your body becomes. The blood starts flowing faster, and the energy spreads into every cell.
Movement will not only activate your sexual energy, deepen your breath and unlock stiffness. It can make you feel ecstatic, and be as powerful as a drug.
Stretch. Dance. Explore all the range of your body’s movement. Dance by yourself and dance with others. Allow your body to react to the vibration of music and of the other person. Let yourself go and let your body free. Forget any expectation how you should move and let the energy guide your movements.
You have 5 beautiful gifts from the Divine to experience this amazing physical world. Through touch, smell, sight, sound and taste you can engage with all of the creation. Too often we look at our senses as tools to go through life safely. We think we have eyes to know where to walk and what to omit. We think we have taste to know what to eat and what to leave alone. But we forget that we have our senses to explore, make love and be in love with life!
By heightening your senses you can connect to life and nature in a profound, more meaningful way. Cut any unnecessary stimulations and you will feel the depth of your senses again. Use blindfold to experience touch. Step into full darkness to experience sound. Allow yourself to be surprised. Allow yourself to feel something new and get intimate with life.
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Everything changes when you invite more intimacy. You will start connecting with other people on a deeper level which will boost your level oh happiness and joy. We know that it’s the quality of our relationships that make us happy. And intimacy is the only path to deepen them
Now back to you…
What is your favorite way to experience intimacy? Share in the comments section below.