Love isn’t something that just happens to you. You make a conscious decision when you choose to love.




I remember that one day, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed. It was within the first few months of our relationship and we were crazy in love. He asked me this:
What if one day we don’t feel like this anymore? What if the excitement and passion are gone?

I never understood his question. For me the answer was easy. You just work on keeping it exciting. You decide how long it lasts.

I think too many people confuse falling in love with love. But it’s not the same.
When you fall in love, you do just that: you fall. It’s a passive act. This amazing and strong feeling overflows you. But you don’t have to do much yourself. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. Everything comes naturally. It’s as there was some power doing things for you.

True love is what comes after that.

When you’re not falling anymore. When you’re standing, fully in control.

And now that things stop just happening to you, what do you choose? Do you choose to love or not?

I know this couple who has been married for 3 years now. And whenever I see them, they are radiating, full of love and appreciation for each other. Really inspiring. They wrote an article about love, and here is what he says about love:

What is love?
We can say we love someone for their smile, their intelligence or even their dress sense. What we love about those things are how they make us feel, and to me, that’s not love — that’s the “feeling” of love which changes, dulls over time and eventually dissipates, to return again when the wind blows.
What if that aspect of what you love were permanently gone? What if a “loved” one suffered a stroke and become immobile and unable to smile, lose their intellect or even the ability to dress themselves?
Would you stop loving them?
What if they did something to make you mad?
To me, love is a decision. A conscious choice to love is the decision to be kind, compassionate, affectionate and understanding towards someone.
The decision to be joyful in bringing someone happiness. And the more you love them, the more you would be those things for them. So even if the things they were that made you feel love for them weren’t there, it’s your choice to love them that counts.
You can’t always feel the love, but you can always make the choice to act with love.

(full article)

To me love is exactly this. It’s a conscious decision.

Imagine you decide to lose weight. That’s your decision, your commitment.
You know what you have to do to lose weight. You need to work out, you need to eat healthy, drink more water, sleep more.
You will not always feel like working out, you might have other (much more interesting) plans, but you know that if you want to lose weight, you need to go to the gym. It will not always be easy, and sometimes maybe not even that enjoyable, but if you made a decision to lose weight and if you’re committed, you know what to do.
And you might not always want to stick to a diet, but you know if you break it, you will not lose weight. Your decision is followed by more decisions, and sometimes you have to stick to them despite the obstacles. You know the reward. A much better thing is just around the corner. And you know that you might have to struggle on the way, but your focus remains on that sweet feeling you chose for yourself.

Love is the same. It’s a choice.

There will be times when you’d rather act in an unloving or selfish way. You will not always feel attracted to your partner. You will not always want to deal with the drama and problems and wonder why you have to help them overcome their problems and support them. There will be times when you’d much rather go out with your friends then be there for your partner when they need you.

And in all these moments you make a decision: do I choose to love or not? And once you answer this question, you know exactly what to do.

There is another beautiful quote about love, and this one comes from 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People. By no means is it a book about relationships, and yet one of the best advice I ever got about love comes from there.

He says that people too often forget that love is a verb. They complain they don’t love their partners anymore.
Then he asks them: What do you do?
And they usually respond that nothing. They’re just waiting for the love to come back again.
But if you want love, than act with love, he says. What do people in love do? Do the same.  Touch and hug your partner. Get them gifts. Spend time with them. Appreciate them. Only this way can you make love re-appear in your life. Actively.

Life is not meant to be just pain and suffering. And certainly love is not meant to be a continuous struggle. I remember thinking many times in my relationship : It shouldn’t be that difficult. And I really don’t think it should. It should be much easier.

Said that, life is not all joy and excitement. You will hit obstacles. Just like you hit obstacles with everything you do in your life, be it work, traveling, buying a house,  you will hit obstacles with your partner, too. But how come we are ready to overcome them in any other area of our lives but love? How come when it comes to relationships the moment we experience difficulties we give up? You don’t quit your work if you make a mistake. Why would you quit your relationship then?

I see many people giving up saying that it wasn’t meant to be. Just because a difficult time came.
Maybe. But maybe it was meant to be. Maybe she or he was the one. Maybe there was a reason for this difficulty to show up.

Imagine two people deeply in love. And imagine that a woman was getting sick and one day would develop cancer. And she will lose her hair, her breast, she will become pale and white. Her beauty and light will disappear. She will need a strong man by her side to love her despite all.
So maybe that difficulty was for the man to make him stronger and to love her despite her looks and moods. Maybe it was to build a man’s strength so that in the moment when she will really need him, he will not have doubts, but strongly and lovingly be by her side, just like she needs him to?
Maybe they were meant to be but they just gave up too easily?

If you look at love as a conscious decision, you will love them no matter the obstacles.

When you fall in love, you’re given a very precious gift. It’s like a big box filled with all the amazing things you’ve ever wanted and wished for. And it’s all yours. But there is one thing that we tend to ignore. It’s that writing on the box: Fragile. You’ll be able to enjoy it as long as you take care of it. But if you shake it too much, you kick it around, and you neglect it, then you’ll break it.

If you believe in God, or Universe, think of falling in love as a gift from a higher power. They are showing you how amazing your life can be if there is love in it. But the higher power cannot love for you. Only you can do it. They are showing you something amazing and asking: Would you like that in your life? You decision to love (or not) is the answer to that question.

Make a decision to love. And then do simply that. Love

 

11 Comments

  • kohls prom dresses

    Reply Reply February 14, 2014

    I’m still learning from you, while I’m trying to reach my goals. I absolutely liked reading all that is written on your blog.Keep the stories coming. I liked it!

  • Miguel

    Reply Reply January 27, 2015

    Hi Magda,

    Just wanted to say thanks, from the bottom of my heart for writing this. It came into my life JUST when I needed it. You reminded me that love is a conscious decision and that it is up to us, to make it happen or not.
    Really, THANK YOU!
    Keep doing what you are doing. It is very important.

    • dodyd

      Reply Reply January 28, 2015

      Thank you so much for your comment. It’s what keeps me going :)

      • sarah

        Reply Reply September 28, 2015

        You are literally sent from God. All this time I thought I could never long conditionally but now I understand. Thanks a billion xxx

  • Masa

    Reply Reply February 13, 2015

    Me and my boyfriend broke up a few days ago. Back then, I was 100% sure I made the right decision. Now, a few days later, I can’t stop thinking about how the only resason behind me leaving him was hiw I couldn’t stand the fact we’d neglected our relationship. Now I know I should have fought for what we had. What we still have. I’ve decided on him, after all. Thank you so much for writing this.

    • dodyd

      Reply Reply February 14, 2015

      If that helps… in my case, i was the one who broke up. reason was similar. He did not appreciate me nor our relationship. I was sure that’s what I wanted. And yet a few days after I desperately wanted him to take me back. But today, a year after, I’ glad he didn’t. there was no more love. The reason why I wanted him back is that I felt abandoned. And there are few things in the world that hurt that feeling that. So suddenly you’ll find yourself wanting to be with somebody who didn’t appreciate you only not to feel alone. However, if you go thru this feeling and manage to heal the part of you that felt that pain, everything will shift in your life. And you’ll start attracting very different men – the kind of men that will want you and will want to do things for you. I wish you the strength in this time. I know it’s hard but I’m also excited for you for all the new things you’re going to experience in a near future.

  • Stephen L, Cambridge

    Reply Reply November 6, 2015

    “If you want love, than act with love:…. Touch and hug your partner. Get them gifts. Spend time with them. Appreciate them. Only this way can you make love re-appear in your life. Actively.”

    Of course, this doesn’t work first time around (ie when two people are moving towards starting a relationship, when you want love to appear, not re-appear). Unless the other person also understands this advanced ‘game’ that you are now wanting to play.

  • xena

    Reply Reply February 15, 2016

    If love is only a decision why did you feel like going back to that person after you have broken up? If you decided to leave and not love there would be no problem.it would be like you were never together. Yes relationships require work an making of decisions on how you will react. Everyone thinks love is a feeling you will forever feel like when you are in love. It is not.real love is amore deeply embeded feeling. If you have someone and know their flaws and still see the good and can get past the flaws. Thats love. When they are sick you care for them because you feel you want to. Love is a feeling and how you react to it is a decision (my opinion). If you decide to love tomorrow you can decide not to. You decide today regardless of what you feel to love someone and when hard tomes come you sit and think and realize that you never did really love them that is when your decision is tested. If you really did feel something you would not be able to leave. Your feelings would tell you that you want to be with that person regardless. Maybe there are so many divorces because peole only work on decisions and then only realize that love was never there to start with. If love was only a choice there would be no sadness, hurt or even suicides (because of love) in the world. You would mearly decide not to love anymore and move on.

  • Anonymous

    Reply Reply March 2, 2016

    thank you for dat ispriation God will never live at anyday anytime

  • Myles Marvelous

    Reply Reply April 14, 2016

    I never knew love is a conscious decision until now, i was thinking and convinced that love is a feeling until a friend of mine thought us in a relationship seminar that love is a decision, which i latter argued with him, that’s what propelled me into making research.
    With my research so far I’m convinced that love is nothing but a deliberate and conscious decision.
    I really love this kudos.

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field