Brave Belle: What I learnt from my divorce

What I learnt from my divorce

Some days ago I met my colleague, with whom I met last time more than three years ago. We had a business meeting together and then after it was finished she came to me asking to talk privately. She said: Elena, I have a very personal question to you… Hope you can share an answer with me. What are you doing in your life that today you look much better than three years ago?”

For the first second I was shocked, catching myself on thoughts like: OMG, was it really soooo bad three years ago??” Than the answer started knocking from the very bottom of my heart and I stopped for a while before I spoke it loud.

I looked in her eyes and said: “you know… I can not advice it to everyone, but I got divorced three years ago…”

She looked back at me smiling, commenting that she already tried this recipe, which gave me more insight to share with her. “Since that moment I promised myself to learn how to be happy by myself, how to love myself truly from within and how not to depend my happiness on men…” And looking back on all my steps towards my happiness for last years I can admit that I am absolutely 100% grateful for that experience and my ex-husband for pushing me to learn that spiritual and life lessons of transformation. They could seem quite tough, but they all helped me to get out of the victim consciousness and take full responsibility for my life. And this is the only way toward true happiness.

Lesson 1. Whatever happens, has a reason, even if we don’t see it at a time

Nothing happens without a reason. Tree can not grow in one night. There is a long process from seed to branches.

If partnership breaks in one night and one day he or she leaves you, it is an effect of something that started happening long time ago. And this is your responsibility if you have not noticed it.

I preferred to live in illusion that my marriage was good. I preferred to close eyes on all betrays which happened from both sides, all the lies around us, all the distance that became bigger and bigger. I preferred to live in that illusion rather than feel pain of disappointment, unfulfilled expectations and fear of future.

Looking back now I see all signs that our marriage was not fine and we had problems, and I see all my responsibility in that.

If you see in your garden bananas instead of apples, it can only happen if you planted banana seeds. If we look at results of our life or relationships we have now, we can reflect and understand what seeds we planted sometime ago. And if we don’t like the results, the best option is to think through and find out what negative seeds you have planted and find the way to plant the new one. It’s easy to go into a fault mode while doing that, that is why I have the next lesson for you.

Lesson 2. Both partners take responsibility, but none carries the blame.

There is no such thing as fault in broken relationships. Looking from a spiritual point of view, nothing happens without an agreement of your soul for that. I truly believe, that our soul planned all lessons they wanted to learn in this lifetime and planned all the experiences we have to go through in order to achieve it. And we carefully chose people who will help us on that path. Only that the moment we are born as human beings, we don’t remember it, anymore. I know that one of my life lessons is to set healthy boundaries, and my ex-partner did everything to create best circumstances for me to learn them. And you have to know that we learn best and most not when everything is comfortable for us, but when we are going through tough times and leave our comfort zone. So only then you can really start acting differently, in a new way and finally build new life habits.

Lesson 3. Most important one…

If you decided to start a relationship, the best way to show and experience love is by actions of acceptance and sharing. The most common mistake we do in relationships is jumping into them, charmed by our partner or winged by feelings we experience near that person. And as a famous proverb says “love is blind”, after some time we start noticing some imperfections and things which are bothering or irritating us. And it doesn’t mean they have not existed before, it only means we were so busy with our excitement that we didn’t really pay enough attention to the real person we were dating.

And what happens after? We try to change him. “Please do this… Don’t do that… I Feel bad when you are… Your habits are irritating me… etc”.

But we are not in this world to change other people. We are here to transform ourselves! And as I mentioned in lesson 2, other people, and especially our partners, are our best teachers! So my main lesson about relationships is: My partner is my reflection. He was sent to me by The Universe to help me to learn and to change. So all I don’t like – is a sign for me what to change in myself to become better, and all what I love about him – is a sign of my hidden talents.

Isn’t it a miracle? To look into eyes of another person and see yourself. Simple. Impactful. Challenging. But only one way…

Elena Makarova

Elena Makarova

Elena’s mission is to help people live life fully and with purpose. She is a professional trainer, facilitator and coach with main focus on people’s potential to be happy and mindful in business life as well as in private life. She is a natural healer and a counselor, helping her clients to identify life lessons and see signs and big picture in their lives. Elena is using different tools in her practice – Reiki and Multi Channel Energy Medicine, Angel Reading, System Constellations, Reflections, Past Life Regression and others. Her source of inspiration and spark of wisdom is in studying Kabbala. And her motto is constant learning experience, which is following us everywhere.

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